Here I am.
I’m going crazy again.
I’m losing my mind
in a sense.
Because of my monsters,
the monsters that live
deep inside of my head.
My demons
unravel my nerves
and play jump rope.
And as they skip across fine lines,
I suddenly lose hope.
And when I lose hope
I can’t recall who I am anymore.
Such a ghostly face I see before me
as I stare blankly at my reflection.
There is only
pure emptiness
in the flesh.
It’s
quite haunting
in a sense.
Desperate emotions.
Cloudy judgement.
My perception is now faulted
even at its best.
I tried to see through blurred vision
And now there’s this hole blown right through my chest.
You can see all my insides, I bet.
Gun shots reaching for my soul.
Blood
drips
drips
drips onto the concrete floor.
My body crumbles
like dirt between finger tips
on to the ground.
My soul is screaming.
But I am alone.
No longer to be found.
Here I am.
I am going crazy again.
I am surrounded by nothing; by no one
accompanied by silence.
Deafening.
Piercing.
Silence.
My ears bleed.
And my demons
just smear it across my brain
while they scramble my thoughts in vain.
I am their fuel and they are my fire,
My demons.
They eat me alive every day
like I’m cocaine.
I am everything they desire.
Their fuel,
My fire.
Here I am.
I’ve gone crazy again.
Time is spinning out of control
And I don’t seem to give a damn.
All I’ve been left with
is a sense of death.
Is it over?
A voice says, “don’t fret.”
I wish I could rest
but have we forgotten about this hole in my chest?
I wipe the blood from my ears.
I pin up my hair.
Clean up is always messy
in these situations.
All the toxicity
in these situations.
I pick up my heart off the ground
with my skin,
with my veins,
and my scar tissue.
I tie my nerves together
to the very last one,
I tie a knot and a bow.
I gather my things
and I go.
Music to inspire this post:
Manchester Orchestra- “gold”
Missio “bottom of the deep blue sea”
Unraveling my soul 