Cobwebs in my brain (2)


 

shallow focus of spider web
Photo by freestocks.org on Pexels.com

 

Here I am.

I’m going crazy again.

I’m losing my mind

in a sense.

Because of my monsters,

the monsters that live
deep inside of my head.

 

My demons

unravel my nerves

and play jump rope.

And as they skip across fine lines,

I suddenly lose hope.

And when I lose hope

I can’t recall who I am anymore.

 

Such a ghostly face I see before me

as I stare blankly at my reflection.

There is only

pure emptiness

in the flesh.

It’s

quite haunting

in a sense.

 

Desperate emotions.

Cloudy judgement.

My perception is now faulted

even at its best.

I tried to see through blurred vision

And now there’s this hole blown right through my chest.

You can see all my insides, I bet.

 

Gun shots reaching for my soul.

Blood

drips

drips

drips onto the concrete floor.

My body crumbles

like dirt between finger tips

on to the ground.

My soul is screaming.

But I am alone.

No longer to be found.

 

Here I am.

I am going crazy again.

I am surrounded by nothing; by no one

accompanied by silence.

Deafening.

Piercing.

Silence.

 

My ears bleed.

And my demons

just smear it across my brain

while they scramble my thoughts in vain.

 

I am their fuel and they are my fire,

My demons.

They eat me alive every day

like I’m cocaine.

I am everything they desire.

Their fuel,

My fire.

 

Here I am.

I’ve gone crazy again.

Time is spinning out of control

And I don’t seem to give a damn.

All I’ve been left with

is a sense of death.

Is it over?

A voice says, “don’t fret.”

 

I wish I could rest

but have we forgotten about this hole in my chest?

 

I wipe the blood from my ears.

I pin up my hair.

Clean up is always messy

in these situations.

All the toxicity

in these situations.

 

I pick up my heart off the ground

with my skin,

with my veins,

and my scar tissue.

I tie my nerves together

to the very last one,

I tie a knot and a bow.

I gather my things

and I go.


 

Music to inspire this post:

Manchester Orchestra- “gold”

Missio “bottom of the deep blue sea”

 

 

 

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