I don’t know why you left.
I don’t know why you never tried to talk to me.
Or maybe I do.
Maybe I know why and I’m afraid to say it out loud because
In a way
It feels like I’ll hurt your feelings if I do.
Sometimes I think about all the different reasons
That could have gone down in your head
When you decided to leave me.
are as alike
as I think we are…
Then maybe I do know
Why you left;
Why you never said good bye.
Did you walk away because you were scared to open up to me about your doubts?
Were you angry? Did you think I would be angry?
Did I do or say
not do or say …something?
Why did you never give me an explanation?
Was it because you were afraid your doubts were right?
Did you think that I hated you?
Did you think I was done and over you?
I’m here to tell you that I wasn’t.
Not one bit.
I’m here to tell you that
I am damaged
And I am terrified to get close to people.
I am convinced that I am tainted
Sometimes I do the wrong things
And say the wrong things.
Whether out of anger or despair,
Sadness or simple feelings that seem unfair.
I get it because I fuck up too.
I assume too.
I am not perfect, like you.
For what it’s worth, I am here to tell you this:
I cared more than you’ll probably ever believe.
I loved the person that you showed me.
All of that person, I loved.
I looked past your damage because
I saw the beauty that darkness created.
I saw you
For who you really are.
And I loved you anyways.
Would you believe me now?
That I wasn’t planning on going anywhere?
I told you I would be there for you.
I did not lie.
And I tried.
But all it took was one slip up.
One moment of my life taking over for awhile.
And you were gone.
You didn’t even give me a chance to explain.
I sit and wonder what went through your head
As you walked away,
Taking my energy with you
and leaving every toxin behind to eat me alive.
I wonder why you never confronted me.
I wonder why you said what you said in the public eye.
I wonder why I was told I meant so much to you
I never even got a proper good bye.
I don’t understand
I think that I do.
Because I felt so familiar to you.
And you felt so familiar to me.