battlefield

I am at war.

I can barely figure out who I am anymore.

My mind is being torn in different directions.

My “selves” are playing tug-o-war with my senses.

They are playing racketball with my brain.

I cannot think straight.

One minute I am confident then the next minute I am filled with doubt then the next minute I am hysterical then the next minute I am okay and then I’m not.

This is an ever-changing cycle.

One where I don’t know which turn is to come next.

I am perplexed.

And I don’t know if I can keep doing this again and again and again.

Will I always be a disappointment?

Will I always let myself down?

Because with all of that comes letting others down too.

And I don’t know how to explain why.

I don’t know how to make it right.

I’m barely able to put up a fight.

I am at war.

And I am being torn to pieces by my own worst enemy.

Myself.