I know that I can live without you, but that doesn’t mean that I want to.
Am I crazy? Am I batshit crazy for thinking that maybe you will come around?
I am fucking crazy. Because you haven’t made a sound.
Weeks have gone by and all this time, you are silent.
I miss you but I don’t want to anymore.
I never expected this hurt to be so bold.
Your silence is violent.
I just figured I’d be sad for a little while
but how long will it last?
How many more miles
around the sun
does my love for you have to go
before I’m finally done
and over you and on to something new?
I’ve been told to go out and have a bit of fun,
to stop sitting still, to act out, and just go numb.
But by doing that, by falling into old habits, what do I gain?
I’m tired of feeling but I’m also sick of not properly healing this pain.
And the only way
is to grieve
and the proper way to grieve
is to give in to the discomfort, not push it away hoping the closure will come along first.
Closure does not happen until I face the power caused by the hurting.
do I see it,
and then decide to let it go.
Excuse me if my process is a little slow.
I never imagined I’d have to learn how to live my life without him.
I don’t know where to start.
I don’t quite yet know how to mend my shattered heart.
All I can do is give it time.
Give it time.