Error 404 (The Awakening)

Let me air this out…

I don’t know what happened to me.

One day I just stopped hysterically laughing from my belly.

I stopped dancing in the car.

I just quit.

I changed.

I don’t know when or how …it just happened one day.

Whether I am alone or with someone else,

I am always so far, far away.

Away in my head, I am constantly stuck with the dread

and the thought

that I may never be that self again;

that I may never

hysterically laugh from my belly again.

Away in my head, I carry the dread

and the thought

that I may never dance in my car again.

I am always away in my head.

The pain I’ve felt has been so heavy.

I guess it truly ruined me.

I don’t know what happened.

I just stopped enjoying life, even the littlest of things…

I became numb to the joy.

Do you think this is forever?

I wonder if the joy will ever return?

If I believe in it, maybe it will.

Maybe if I put down the dread

and the thoughts…

and walk away…

Maybe then…I’ll dance in my car again.

Maybe then…I’ll share one of those “deep in your belly” kind of laughs with someone again.

Maybe then I’ll tell this story differently.