crash & burn

I didn’t deserve this at all.

It hurts so much to be shown so much love just for it to be ripped to pieces and taken away so violently. You bulldozed the life out of me and no matter how hard I try, there is no more wholeness to be found. Not right now. Your shotgun filled with disappointment blew a hole right through me. And now my heart is barely beating and the wound won’t stop bleeding. I didn’t deserve that at all. I deserve so much better than the emptiness you’ve suddenly shown. I deserve a love that will stick around even when the tornado touches the ground. The storm is here now and you are long gone and the calm, well it’s a thing of the past. Lightening cracked under pressure and our whole world burns to ash. Now there is nothing but chaotic manipulation of the rain and the wind is blowing every structure around and the trees of life are crashing down. They don’t even make a sound. There is just silence. All I hear is the blood pulsing through my veins and the ringing in my ears. There is just painstaking silence. And it is so violent. I can barely breathe. I guess my lungs have been pierced by the bullets you left within me.

I wish I hadn’t needed your love as badly as I did. I wish I could forget you as easily as you’ve forgotten me. And if that’s not true, if you have not forgotten me…well, you have a funny way of showing it. Because the silence speaks volumes. The silence tells me everything that I need to know. You were already gone a long time ago. I was too caught up in the moment to notice at first but once my eyes opened, once the blinding light suddenly struck my line of sight, I couldn’t unsee what you’d done and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same nor will I be able to get over this pain that runs right through me.

I didn’t deserve this at all.

And simply put, I’ve had enough.