I have to be honest here. The matrix is really weighing me down tonight. Does that make any sense? I don’t know. I really don’t. But that statement feels valid so I’m letting it breathe and speaking my truth for a moment. I feel extremely worn down and I feel numb to every blow. Every hit… from this fake reality I have held onto, the one that is all I’ve ever known up until this year…I no longer feel them because it has been one slap in the face after another. So I’m used to it. I’m numb. I’m cold.
There is good news to add to this day. I took some time while I was stewing in my anger towards this bullshit world and organized the last of the lessons my son and I have left in our homeschooling adventures. This has been a tough year so I’ve (we’ve) been anxious for summer break. Well, we are way more ahead of schedule than I realized (as long as we continue the pace we have been going) and will be done 3 weeks earlier than I originally projected. This is exciting news! It brought a glimmer of hope into my fog.
I have yet to figure out a way to live comfortably between the matrix and outside of it. Once you exit, you can still walk back in but you’ll never see things the same.
As a small example….disney movies, musicians/music, celebrities (stuff I once found so much entertainment/release in) I can no longer watch or listen without seeing through the veil. I see right through the bullshit lies we have been conditioned to believe are truth/reality since birth.
Now, with that example being said, I am not complaining. I’m glad I woke up and broke the trance hollywood projects. I was so VERY brainwashed. I am glad that I no longer am. And hollywood isn’t even the biggest concern. There are a lot of things about this matrix that I’ve come to realize are fake and corrupt and JUST PLAIN AWFUL. The devil’s playground….is the matrix. I have found my way out but….it’s all I’ve ever known so I don’t know how to exist without it.
I’m trying. I’m finding happiness outside of this mess and learning how to function without the game. I’m becoming a glitch and I’m okay with that.
But that doesn’t mean I’m not hurting.
Though I feel numb and cold, I can still feel the pain throbbing throughout my blood and veins.
That sounds so freaking dramatic. lol…but who else would I be if I wasn’t a bit dramatic?
It is in my nature.
The anger is real. The conditioning that has been placed upon humanity is disgusting.
I am disgusted and I am just done.
Numerous times have I been saying things like “get me the hell off of this planet” and “I wish I could walk into another dimension.”
I’m absolutely fed up with the madness.
But I will never EVER regret jumping down the many (yes there is WAY MORE than one) rabbit holes.
Waking up was the greatest blessing of my life, regardless of how much it hurts and pisses me off.
Anyways, I am glad that I’ve reached the end of my very first homeschooling year.
Becoming a teacher was never in my line of sight but then again, I became a mom at 20 so I signed up for teaching the moment he was born whether I realized it right then or not.
But either way, being a homeschool teacher was never something I thought I would be…but here I am and I’ve got almost a year under my belt already. It flew by. Time always does that.
I am proud of my kid for dodging this unexpected hit with me. Never did I ever think I would take him out of public school. What a game changer this last year has been.
I’ve been doing a lot of things I never thought I would ever do.
Growing up is funny.
Watching your life unfold with all the obstacles and change and switching of lanes….it’s interesting to say the very least.
I am proud of myself. I’ve come a long way. And I’m getting better and smarter and kinder and more patient every single day.
Finding inner peace within chaos….another superpower I own.
I love you all, warriors. Thank you for following along on my journey.
I am sending you all so much love. You guys and your support means so much to me.