Childish feelings but Validity says, “Let them breathe.”

 

Let’s be honest.

Do I even want to save myself?

Do I even give a fuck if I fall apart?

Let’s be honest.

I’ve not been kind to my body.

I’ve not been smart with my heart.

My lungs hurt more and more every day

Because of all the smoke that I’ve sucked in and blown back out.

Let’s be honest.

I’ve been hard on my body.

I have not taken good care of my soul.

I’ve been cruel, I’ve been wicked.

And with every bandage unloosened

comes another sudden blow.

Let’s be honest.

I’ve not been acting my age.

Maybe some days.

But who am I kidding?

I grew up too fast.

It feels nice to take it back.

Maybe

I smoke too much.

I drink too much.

I don’t give enough

care to my soul.

I am such a fool.

Let’s be honest.

Most days,

I don’t give a fuck.

I don’t believe in my future.

I don’t have trust.

I don’t think the day ahead is actually there.

I focus too much on my past.

I do not care.

Let’s be honest.

I am lost in the now.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

Floating through this void,

I’ve got no choice.

I’ve just gotta do it.

I do everything to avoid

the dark cloud

above my head.

Let’s be honest.

I’ve got a white flag in my pocket on the daily,

for when the moment comes, I am ready.

When the world collapses around me

and I throw my middle finger up in the air because I’ve had it.

Let’s be honest.

Some days I’m not grateful.

Some days I really wish I wasn’t born.

Because I wasn’t planned.

I wasn’t meant to happen when I did.

Is that why I always feel so out of place?

I’m not gonna lie, I think it is.

Let’s be honest.

I am grateful to be alive.

But my darker side comes out to play more often than the positive, happier side.

I am darker than I’d like to be.

But this is me.

And I’ve gotta be honest.

This is how I figure out

how to love myself

both in the light

and on the darkest of nights.