Toxicity Lesson #422: Letting Go

Not all toxic people are cruel and uncaring. Some of them love us dearly. Many of them have good intentions. Most are toxic to our being, simply because their needs and way of existing in the world force us to compromise ourselves and our happiness. They aren’t inherently bad people but they aren’t the right people for us. And as hard as it is, we have to let them go. Life is hard enough without being around people who bring you down. And as much as you care, you can’t destroy yourself for the sake of someone else. You have to make your well-being a priority. Whether that means breaking up with someone you care about, loving a family member from a distance, letting go of a friend, or removing yourself from a situation that feels painful—you have every right to leave and create a safer space for yourself.”

Daniell Koepke



 

Thoughts…

I have always felt like I could be standing in the middle of a crowd and scream and no one would even bat an eye.

I feel invisible most days, in pretty much every thing that I do.

Most of the reason why I keep to myself is because of that.

I’m over feeling shitty about myself because other people make me feel like I don’t even exist.

I don’t see the point in putting myself in situations where I could walk away and say nothing and no one would notice or say anything.

I hate feeling anxious around people when I should be enjoying myself when I’m being social.

I just can’t find the right people for me.

I’m tired of putting so much effort into being there for people who are never there for me.

I’m sick of all the effort being for nothing.

I am not here to just be a shoulder to cry on.

I am not here to just listen.

I’m here to help and be the best person I can be towards people…but if it isn’t returned then….why should I continue if it makes me feel this low?

I’d rather be alone.

Do you know how bad it sucks to be talked over?

Do you know how shitty of a feeling it is when you tell someone something and they don’t even respond?

Like they’ll change the subject and completely ignore what you said.

Or, they’ll respond with the type of response that just makes you feel like they didn’t even  try to listen or care to actually hear you.

Yet…you’re giving your full attention to them all the damn time. You don’t talk over them. You don’t change subjects. You pay attention to every detail, every word.

Why is everything so one sided these days?

I’m tired of being surrounded by people who don’t understand me.

I am tired of feeling invisible.

I feel stupid whenever I say something and get nothing.

I feel small and inadequate.

I feel like I am not good enough.

I hate feeling like that.

My anxiety tears me apart when I put myself in situations such as these so…I’m done doing so. It’s literally killing me.

It sucks to feel used.

It sucks to feel like you’re only good for someone when they need a helping hand.

It sucks to feel like you’re the mediator for everyone’s shit but no one even tries to see if you need help from drowning in your own shit.

 

It sucks that so many times, I am gas lighted the moment I express these feelings.

I’m done with that shit.

I feel rude even posting these thoughts because I just feel like someone will be like..” oh get the fuck over yourself.”

There’s a part of me that doesn’t even want to continue posting this because if it’s not one thing, it’s another.

Everyone gets offended these days.

I’m not trying to offend anyone…

I just want to know why people get treated like this?

Why is it that when we talk about our day, it gets brushed off like it’s nothing that matters?

But if we even dare to not react the way someone expects us to, than we are the biggest bitch or asshole around.

I feel like the people who ask for help from others always just assume that those are the ones who have their shit together and who are so tough and strong that nothing gets to them and nothing hurts them…like they’re invincible and just here to help everyone else.

It isn’t right.

I shouldn’t feel like this. No one should.

Separating myself from these kind of people is what I am in the process of doing.

I’m sorry but…I can’t do it anymore.

I have come so close to losing it and I’m sick of that feeling.

If you aren’t going to give me the same level of respect that I give to you then please, go.

If you aren’t going to be there for me as much as I am there for you, please…go.

If you aren’t going to listen to what I’m saying, if you’re just going to brush me off like I am an annoying fly buzzing in your ear then please….go.

If you think I am just here to be your shoulder to cry on but when I need you, you’re nowhere to be found…please…go.

If this post does offend you or if you find yourself reading this and thinking “damn is she talkin about me?” Then…well, let’s face it, maybe I am. Maybe it’s time we go our separate ways.  We just don’t understand each other. And that’s okay.

Just leave me be.

My happiness and well being is on the line here.

I am exhausted from trying to be stronger than I feel.

So, I’ve gotta do something. I’ve gotta change something

I choose me and I choose the people who have proved to me that family sticks together.

As for everyone else, I wish you the best but please, let’s just not anymore.



Invest your time wisely.

man walking on road with orange bag surrounded by trees
Photo by Emre Kuzu on Pexels.com

 

 

 

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