Tonight we air it out.

Tonight it hurts. Tonight I am suffocating. Tonight I want to scream and cry and bash my fist into the wall. I am so tired. I should just close my eyes and go to sleep. But I don’t know how to…I don’t know how to calm my mind whenever it gets this bad. The loneliness is unbearable and all I can do is just sit with it and feel it and allow myself to be so uncomfortable while so enraged and sad. My heart aches. My head breaks. My mind is a jumbled catastrophic mess. I miss him. I miss him so much I cannot stand it. I don’t know what to do or how to move on and I know it hasn’t been that long but still…I don’t want to hurt like this anymore. And I torture myself wondering what is going on with him. I torture myself, trying to make sense of it all. I torture myself and that is my biggest downfall. I am so sleepy. I need to just shut it off and rest. Tomorrow is a new day and like I have been, I’ll do my best to get on with it. But tonight, it hurts. It hurts so bad, I just don’t know where to turn. And I wish, I so wish I could turn off these incessant feelings. I hate feeling this way. I don’t want this heartbreak to stay. I want it to end. How do I make it end? How does he do this? Is he not upset? Is he not missing me? Am I not on his mind? He hasn’t even checked on me and he said he wouldn’t just disappear. But he did. He abandoned me. And maybe it was me who made that one clear because I bit his head off. But I had to…because I have every right to be angry so yeah, I bit his head off. This is bullshit and I’ve had enough. I just wanted it to work. I just wanted his love. This fucking sucks.

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