Pain can break you. But pain can also transform your soul into a bad ass no one ever saw coming.”
Three years ago, my life came to a halt.
After being on the same path for years, I came to a fork in the road.
I had to make a choice that never in my life did I ever think I would have to make.
At the time, my child was 5 and had just started Kindergarten. That in itself is such a nerve wracking time in life and here I was, facing a decision that could change not only my world forever, but his too.
Every Mom wants to make sure her child is safe and happy and well taken care of. All us Moms really want is to protect our kids from the world. But, we can’t always do that. Sometimes, the world breaks through. So, we do our best to shield them from what we can and we do our damnedest to teach them how to handle the rest on their own.
As I was staring at this fork in the road, I remember feeling the lowest that I have ever felt.
My heart was in my stomach
And my stomach had fallen to my knees
And my knees were on the ground.
That point in my life was one of the most devastating.
All I could do was pray.
My breaking point was staring me straight in the face.
Everything up to this had broken me time and time again and I never walked away.
This fork in the road meant that I was being given another chance for a better life.
What made up my mind? I was tired of gluing myself back together the same way and hoping for different results; never worrying about how many pieces were missing. I had spent countless years allowing men to treat me like dirt. I let them walk all over me, hurt me, abuse me, rape me…I stood by and just watched myself get pushed around. For so many years, I didn’t give a shit about myself. I didn’t take care of myself. And I had been given so many opportunities to run away from the abuse. I had been given so many options on how I could free myself. And honestly, there were times that I actually tried to get away…but in the end, I stayed. I always stood by as the man that I loved so much tore me to pieces one more time…”
Alice in the Upside Down World©
I knew that the universe was trying to tell me something.
It was trying to save me from insanity.
All those years of assuming that I didn’t deserve a better, happier life.
Those assumptions crippled me.
One of the most deadly things you can do to your mind is assume.
I knew that if I kept on with the same charades, I would end up living out the rest of my life miserable.
So, I turned left, instead of turning right.
I chose my new path.
Everything in me told me to run;
To run fast down this new path and never look back.
And that’s exactly what I did.
I always did embrace the dramatic side of life
I am a bit theatrical…
So before I ran for my life, I sent the other path; the life I was leaving behind
Up in flames.
It had to be done.
The past had to be destroyed.
It was the only way I could move on.