An authentic mess

You know what has felt SO GOOD lately? Being myself with no shame attached. Allowing myself to be genuinely weird, an oddball, a spazz, a complete mess. Without hating myself for it. Being understanding to my flaws, because they are not bad. They are not ugly. They are uniquely me. I am validating my crazy side. I am accepting my emotional and dramatic side. I am being childish. I am being what I’ve been meant to be since I chose this life at 19 years old…a mother and a gentle one. I am loving myself for once. For once I am being kind to myself. It feels good to be me and to let myself feel and test myself and give myself the love and patience I deserve. I’ve been too harsh, to hard on myself. I’ve been my worst enemy. Creating chaos and never allowing myself to thrive as is. I deserve happiness.

I’ve been too cruel. I’ve been punishing myself. For what? For nothing. And yet everything. I need to do better and so far I feel really good about my start. I’m showing myself gentle love. It feels good to let go of all shame and just be all of me at once.

I hope that I can keep this up. I am being patient and understanding to the fact that I might stumble but I will not fall ever again. I got this shit. I know that I do. I hold myself accountable and I move forward and learn from the stumble. Next step I will be ready.

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